Do you really know someone?

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TheTouho10
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Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:36 pm
Location: Finland, Pirkanmaan maakunta

Do you really know someone?

Post by TheTouho10 » Sat Oct 06, 2018 8:55 pm

Do you really know someone? It is a question many of us don't ask, as we think the answer is simple: Of course, we do! But maybe we should ask it more often? You might not have realised it yourself, but you might not really know the people you think you know, not the way you should. You might know they play video games, but you might not know anything about them as a person, as a human being.

I am one of those people who others think they know, but in reality, they barely scratch the surface of me. I smile, I laugh, I seem to be just another normal kid. I go to school, I have conversations with people, and I just generally seem normal. But what the people around me don't know, is what's below the surface. They don't know me, but they think they do. But what is it they don't know exactly?

I was born in 2001 and went to first grade in 2008. Halfway through the first year of elementary school, and I got school bullied. Continuous bullying all the way to 9th grade, 2016 that is. The years left their scars, not only to my heart and soul but to my life as well. I failed to find many friends during those years, and overall those years led to me not developing social skills. Whereas others were normal kids, had fun with their friends, just chatted around, I didn't have any friends. And without friends, the surroundings didn't allow me to develop the social skills you'd need in life. It lead to me becoming shy, me having major trust issues, me not speaking unless spoken to. I was seen as weird, the quiet kid. That was my world for years: dark and lonely.

Why was I the target? What was so special in me? Questions I always wondered, yet never found the answers to. I failed to see light in life, and my being was dragged into a dark abyss, endless dark, where no light was to be seen. Most in my situation would've cried, been angry, maybe even aggressive. That was not me. I only had one emotion: emotionless emotion. I didn't feel anything anymore, no happiness, no sadness, no anger, nothing. That emotionlessness that later developed into a severe depression, that I still suffer from today. Yes, what my new 'friends' don't know, is that I suffer from a severe depression. In fact, it is so bad, that suicide is haunting my mind. I haven't had the courage to do it, but it is coming closer and closer.

The people who don't know me. They don't hear the scream for help, they don't see me begging for help, for love. They don't see inside the shell that suppresses the screams. The true me, person who cries himself to sleep on most nights, feels a lack of emotions. Suffers from a depression, which lead to ketosis, major weight loss. They don't see how the person next to them is slowly dying.

What is on the surface then? A normal kid. A kid who smiles, laughs, plays video games, just seems to live a normal life. Yet under that surface, is a suicidal person, who has no joy, no love, no real friends. A person who is slowly dying away. That kid on your class, that person in your workplace, that old lady who comes to the grocery store every morning at 8. Any of them could be just like me: Not showing their true self. They don't know how, they don't think you care. You must show them you care, show them they can speak to you. Sit next to that kid on your class, say hi to that person in your workplace, help that lady with her groceries, it's the little things that change our lives.

So let me ask once again: Do you really know someone?
"I have not failed, I've just found 10 000 ways that won't work." -Thomas A. Edison

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